TOP TEN TV'S

Hello there reader! how are you? more importantly, how is your television? Do you like what you own and are hoping to get something new to enjoy your favorite weather reports? Well you are in luck because we decided to check out a whole series of televisions and are here to report back on which one might suit your needs. here we go with our Top 10 TV's you should buy!

Stop reading now if you are blind.

10. The Classic

Your father just worked 170 hours to buy this old standard so now you have to gather around the positively radioactive tubes to enjoy the Rose Bowl. This one never came with a remote so no one was ever really in control of what was on and how to watch it. You would have to get up and turn the giant knob and pray that channel came on. This television is perfect if you need something to watch while you cut out letters of a magazine to rubber cement onto a ransom note.

9. The travel TV

This little guy was some high concept bullshit for sure. To think that you could go anywhere and tune into a show without the permission of a company is frowned upon these days so big cable companies started firebombing tv stations so these little portables would have no purpose. This television is perfect if you want to start a conversation with 'what the hell is that?"

8. the TV with the VCR 

This was the one you claimed was the "total package" in your youth and man were you right! These things always worked and almost never looked tacky in your house. This television was perfect if you needed more space to put up troll dolls on your entertainment stand next your almost always open VHS copy of Aladdin.

7. The Hidden TV (ooooohhh)

This was the TV to have in case you were afraid to let people know that you were in fact a dullard a member of the working class. Hiding TV's in cupboards was the ultimate in posh moves and putting TIME magazine on your coffee table while eating breakfast with a suit on was the absolute best. But as soon as company would show up you could hide your television and talk about the Cuban missile crisis or play a board (boring) game and as soon as everyone left you'd put on your robe and watch TV alone with brandy.

6. Strange Concept TV

This one always bothered me but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be left out of the list. Apparently turning the severed head of a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was considered "art" at one point. I suppose if you like round things in your face then get sprung and find one of these things online somewhere. 

5. The TV with the DVD player in it

Your dumb friend thought the TV with the VCR in it was the shit. But no one hangs out with him anymore so now you go this new friend who has one of these bad boys and it is THE way to go to watch The Matrix on DVD. The perfect television to make the VCR in the TV guy feel like a loser for proclaiming it's the best kind of TV.

4. The Big screen TV that looked ghetto and could only be watched at one angle.

Invite all your friends over to watch this...at one angle. Yes, this TV was a sad but vital stepping stone to get to the future boxes of today. Everyone of these TV's came with a GameCube and Mario Kart for some reason, And a case of Pepsi. cherry Pepsi.

3. one of those expensive TV's that curve

The future is here and all it took was for some guy to say "how about we curve it?" to make us all lose our god damned minds. It has a billion pixels on standby for all the trillions of pixels working over time to make this lizard actually leap off his log and out of your tv and onto your lap and say "how does it feel to be such a rich fucking person you sexy human? ". This TV is perfect if you want people to think you do nothing but watch TV and buy and sell people like you every day.

2. Projection Television

Apparently only people who have a deep love for Avatar can enjoy this movie in this format. Ditch the television because you would rather watch the wall! Never mind the fact the bulbs cost more than the unit itself and it blows heat into the room that will make you wonder if there is a sick person breathing on your neck. This TV is perfect if you like Mountain Dew and want to be different. #DaBe$t

1. A Book

Flipped it on you "the reader"! the best TV is the one you create in your mind as you read an enriching tale of your choosing because the power went out due to apocalypse. Is there Zombies outside? turn down the volume on your book...SAYS NO ONE EVER! You can use the pages as toilet paper or to start a fire. Can your TV wipe your ass? 

-Brian Blog