Armageddon with Miley Cyrus

Armageddon with Miley Cyrus

We've all been bombarded by the stupid shit celebrities do. Whether it be for media coverage, phereting who's not trustworthy or actual mental disorders, apparently there's never a shortage of high paid, drug induced life meltdowns. So i've decided to say fuck it! Like Lewis Black trying to figure out how the horse got the girl through college; my brain now finds it necessary to reason out how these people could actually be useful or counted as an asset to society. So let us begin with Miley Cyrus.

The "facts" by observation

So....what i've garnered from talk show monologue/bit humor, and 20 second entertainment "news" promos is that she's gone pretty mental since the teen choice or VMA/STD awards or whatever the hell they're called. It seems she wants to be viewed as sexual new-age drug fiend icon. Immediately I'm thinking this is just some cry for attention to boost media coverage or an image change, because now that she's not passable as under 18 she would rather go with the rebellious fornicator image rather than the 25 year old mormon virgin image that; let's face it, in this day and age is deemed creepier than an O.D.ing prostitute. At least you know the hooker won't be as judgemental.

Let us "perceive" the reality

So if I get too worked up about this I'll probably have to go light something on fire...just to ease the tension. So I'm not going to delve too far into her shenanigans. Just gonna eyeball this one. So when the whole world goes to shit (cause it will), the nukes will fly and we'll use every bit of technology we have to devastate the globe back to the dark ages. Ironic, I know. We'll be left with a Mad Max, Fallout 3, Book of Eli craphole world. And as we know, the man with the craziest, short haired scrap of the last towel on earth wearing girlfriend/organ grinder (the list of entries is mind blowing) will be king of the renegades/bandits/mohawk grease fiends (pliable at all times). I think Miley could really shine in this role. For several reasons.

- She has the short hair + the shaved side head.

- A Venom like tongue.

- Wears almost nothing and looks seductive and unpleasant at the same time....somehow.

- Assuming that she is thin because of food deprivation; could easily eat another person if necessary.

- Is southern so must know how to operate firearms. ESPECIALLY in an unsafe manner.

With the attitude and crappy reasons behind whatever the fuck is making her mental, it is easy to find her gross or unattractive. But I leave it to you; the viewer to take into consideration all of the end of the world, brink of civilization movies there have been. The chick in Pandorum. Attractive women, way hotter when she's the last woman in the universe. Milla Jovovich, sexy heroine from a zombie infested city and the 5th element. Or would you choose her from Ultra Violet. Even Emma Stone was better looking in zombieland and that was a joke apocalypse movie. Good movie though.

So I'd say if she was wearing an apron with a welder's mask and a flamethrower....she'd just about be the hottest thing west of the Mississippi. Which makes me oddly hungry for some Hot BBQ wings from B-dubs. Well I think that about does it for what's been on my mind for Miley Cyrus. I'm off to get some chicken wings for a round of Fallout 3 and try to find flamethrower fetish sites. To sum up what this article has been about. I will just say that Fallout 3 and Fallout 3: New Vegas are excellent games and am very much looking forward to Fallout 4. GO BOSTON!

-L.S.