Ask A Demon!!

Questions? Ask a Demon.
(ACTUAL QUESTIONS, DEMON APPEARS COURTESY OF YAHOO! ANSWERS)

Demon, my boyfriend and I are having troubles in the bedroom department (LOLZ) and I was wondering what I could do to spice things up? 

Not feeling the love,

Sandy N

DEAR SANDY, RIP HIS FUCKING DICK OFF AND USE IT ON YOURSELF. THE REST OF YOUR MAN IS A USELESS HUSK. NOW TAKE THIS TIME TO SWEAR YOUR SOUL TO THE DARK LORD. FOR HE IS THE ONLY MAN IN YOUR LIFE THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE OF KILLING A THOUSAND CHILDREN WITH A CHAINSAW IN A MCDONALDS PLAYPLACE. 

Love,

 Demon.

Dear Demon, why do you do what you do?
Just Wondering,
Nikol S.

DEAR NIKOL, WHAT THE HOME DOES THAT MEAN? I, LIKE YOU HAVE OBLIGATIONS TO MY MASTER. I NEED SOULS LIKE ANY OTHER DEMON AND IF I HAVE TO TAKE A CHILD OR A ELDERLY PERSON WHERE IS THE HARM IN THAT? I DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO SURVIVE. 
COMING FOR YOU,
DEMON


Dear Demon, my boyfriend always says he is too tired to fool around after he gets off of work and I am just so sick of the bullshit. I wish he would just respect the fact that I work all day making the house look perfect. what do I do?

Need help,

Rick H.

DEAR RICK, YUCK! YOU KNOW HOW YOU LIVE IS A SIN...RIGHT? I KNOW IT'S A SIN BECAUSE WELL DUH I READ ALL THE OLD LITERATURE (IT'S FUNNY AND I LIKE TO LAUGH) I MEAN IT'S ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND RICK!!
 SEE YOU SOON, 
DEMON

Dear Demon, my wife is really pressuring me to change my religion to her religion (i won't say which one because my intent isn't to offend) what should i do?

Tim S.

TIMOTHY, I AIN'T TOUCHING THAT SUBJECT. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN

HAIL SATAN, 

DEMON  

-Feel free to Ask Demon any time you want.