Stupid Cartoons that child me enjoyed, because he was Stupid.

 I recently went back and tried to recapture my youth, it did not bode well. Most the stuff I watched when I was little was so unwatchable even with drugs. I would not recommend you delve down this spire of terror, if any of these were awesome to you when you were a child. Let them live there do not try to watch them now, trust me they are shit. Here is a list of:
 The Top Ten CARTOONS I loved as a kid that I hate as an adult:

10) Sliver Hawks: I am not sure if I loved this as a kid but I definitely watched it. I always forget how stupid I was as a kid. This show is a Hodge podge of space birds and metal, how did we not realize that sucked?

9) TigerSharks:  Why not keep kicking it with another shitty ThunderCats clone.  The creative team really stretched themselves to deviate from the Space angle, by adding the ocean, and a pool that turned morons into SEAMORONS!  Seriously look at these names, Walro.....Dolph, cause he is a dolphin?  Fuck this show. 

8) SuperTed: Ok so first I don't know why I watched this show when I was a kid but I remember loving it.  It was Superman in convenient Bear Form!  Upon watching this as an adult I found it was the worst ever.  It is a story about a bear who was so shitty he was thrown out at the factory, but then a "Spotted Man" (really he just looks like a dildo with herpes bumps)  sprinkled him with "Cosmic Dust"  (this show could not be more about bad touching if it tried.)  The Bear's only real super power is his ability to put anyone with a pulse asleep.  SuperTED makes me Super Tired.

7) The Adventures of Don Coyote and Sancho panda:  This cartoon was a big time hit with 7 year old me, 33 year old me kinda wants to invent a time machine to beat 7 yr old me up.  This show is terrible, it feels like someone set out to make Inspector Gadget racist.  And it worked.

6) The Ghostbusters: I think when I was a kid I didn't realise this was not the "Real" Ghostbusters.  Then again when I googled searched the image Slimmer came up so who really one?  Seriously this show is ghost garbage*.

5) James Bond Jr. :  The problem with being a kid is you think everything should be a kid,  Like Richie Rich, or Jame's Bond.  Problem is kids suck.  Seriously how dare child me watch this water down bullshit. So let me get this straight this dude is a spy cause his father is a spy?  You know what bullshit that is?  Plus I am sure James Bond has a spy condom, or at the very least a gun for any woman bold enough to try to carry his seed.  This is the Honey Boo Boo of 1991.

4) Denver The Last Dinosaur:  I think I can claim being a boy and there was a FUCKING DINOSAUR!  Seriously though, in this Show a Dinosaur wakes up to become a Pizza hut Mascot?  And front man of some band, plus he skateboards.  Unfortunately for for everyone watching the show was just a bunch of kids dropping 90's street slang, RAD!.

3)  Bananaman:  He is a kid who eats a banana and turns into Bananaman, see what they did there?  I sure didn't when I was a stupid fucking boy.  I loved this show, cause I was very dumb.

2) COPS:  They were fighting crime in a future time.  This is one of those raped your childhood moments.  I remember watching this show whenever I could.  It was one of if not my favorite.  It is upon watching as an adult, the worst.  COPS in the future will be easy to id since they only come in 5 flavors:  ROBOCOP, COP CLASSIC, COWBOY COP, LADY COP, and UNDERCOVER BROTHER COP,  I really wish I had all the time I vested in this show back, I would probably just waste it on Mighty Max.

1) HE-MAN:  This stands alone as the single biggest mistake of my life, and I have done needle drugs in Mexico, ok well I would have if it meant never having to watch this show again.  This show is nothing but a bunch of HE-Dudes, trying to capture a villain who never does any crime.  Seriously it is like they were profiling Skull heads.  Sure Skeletor had big ideas but no follow through apparently thinking evil is a crime in Eternia.  But what do you expect.  Eternia is nothing but a special needs home for space garbage, think about it, only the Royal Family can talk in complete sentences, everyone else simply gets to scream their name and "help"  I found no joy in this at all.  Also I should not that if I decided to include SheRA on this list I would have put her tied for first but you know better off not mentioning her cause she is worst than a rainbow loving dude in a loin cloth that only wants his magic sword and to straddle a tiger, it is like CONAN fucked Siegfried and Roy, and it is awful.

As of this moment this is the hardest blog post for me to stomach.  I am gonna go puke cartoon blood.

~CA

*editor note: Editor agrees with this observation.