Gravity day!

According to Daily BuzzLive, at exactly 9:47 PST AM on January 4th we can float for 3 seconds due to planetary alignment. That's great and everything but most people and top scientists won't tell you about the the other effects are from planetary alignments we are missing out on. I've put together a simple list for you to remember!!!

On January 5th as the planets stop showing off and go back to their day jobs, there will be about 24 hours of feeling an immense sense of stupidity after you wake up in the hospital from falling off your building to test out the theory stated on January 4th. 

On February 17th when Jupiter aligns with former planet Pluto, you will be able to take a shit and wipe it all off of your ass in one singular motion. 

On March 14th when Mars goes behind the sun also know as "night time on half of mars", all dogs and cats will be able to talk for 14 minutes. They never learned English so it'll sound the same as barking and meowing.

April 4th, the sun will create it's yearly solar flare allowing you to cook food on the roof of your house for 15 minutes. (note: this will not work unless you have a mirrored roof)

May 17th, an immense sense of dread and loneliness will sweep over you and you will realize that in the end everyone dies alone. This will NOT be caused by the planets moving it's just how the day rolls so bite your lip.

and finally!

October 31st, due in part to the moon rising at it's scheduled showtime people will begin to dress as fictional characters to convince members of the opposite sex or same sex that they are attractive. Once the moon is gone the spell will wear off and everyone will just act really awkward about what you and Trisha did on the floor of the handicapped bathroom.

So remember, if you believe that you will lose gravity on Jan.4th then these other dates should be also observed out of fairness. 

-Brian Blog