Groundhog appears a day late "Fuck the Mo-leese".

In a shocking and stupid turn of events, Punxsutawney Phil showed up again this morning confused about what day it was and declared that he was wrong yesterday. Phil revealed that for years that the powers that be have been doping him into seeing whatever they wanted him to see. "it used to be about tradition" Phil continues "but now there is just SO MUCH pressure to be right and i  am tired of being the bad guy". As most of you know, the groundhog has been widely regarded as the most intelligent species for weather prediction that the majority of the surrounding wild life rely on his predictions. 

"He hasn't predicted shit in years and i am so fed up with it" local Deer "it used to be back in the day that we would all go to Phil for information you know? like, is it going to snow or have you heard anything about hunters in the region? but the success has just gotten to his head and he's forgot about us". When asked to comment on this Phil quoted a popular song from the early nineties "fuck the mo-leese and fuck the other animals too! they don't feed me and they were using me for years and i never got anything in return" he asked at this point if he could go outside for a smoke to continue the interview and we followed "Look, don't write this but i miss those guys and i DO love the celebrity but i am also fucking up with these predictions and there is just so much on me if get it wrong". Yes, the strain of being an animal pulled back and forth out of the wilderness and back again into short popularity has taken a toll on this tiny weatherman. "Do you even have humans that predict the weather? And what happens if they are wrong? do their families lose their homes and get eaten by wolves? no? wow man. that sounds rough. Do they get paid money and get to wear clothes too? wow. what am i doing wrong?" 

It's a shame that this way of life has gone on for this long and we look to it to sort our own lives out. A little guy does a little work and depending on the news millions will either hate him or love him. Can you even imagine that? try to. Maybe you'll understand why after this interview, Phil ran into oncoming traffic and was killed instantly. His last words? "You know they replace Punxsutawney Phil every year right?". 

-Brian Blog