Movie Reviews by A Serial Killer.

Hello there my little darlings, let me preface this by saying I have quite the appetite for all cultures and one of the many things I take true delight in is the cinema. Watching all those people and knowing they can't see me watching them gets me very excited. But I digress, suppose you were in a gaming mood this weekend and you decided to leave your homes (preferably unlocked) and you were to drive your big metal cars down your paved streets to your local theater and you wanted to set your gaze upon some new and spectacular flights of fancy? hmmm. Just sitting there and staring at a screen while you are completely unaware of your surroundings and leaving you ripe for the culling. What did I see this weekend? Well I've got some time as long as I have you tied up at the moment....







...This weekend I saw the movie Divergent starring a pretty girl who looked like my sister and some kind of beefed up suitcase of a man full of emotional luggage just waiting for me to spill out on my new hotel room floor (with plastic wrap down, of course). This dystopic look on a future where kids are meant to fight each other to figure out what they are afraid of had me absolutely  breathless. Kids with tight and weak skin use their god given muscles to show each other who is tough enough to last. Almost like growing up in Iowa. This girl is VERY special meaning that she can control her emotions (something my mother could have done better) and overcome the future problems of riding trains and jumping on to trains and jumping off of trains. I used to tramp for years so this played out story arc really hit a chord on my hearts harp as I knew what it was like to be running for your life literally off of a steaming locomotive. Anyway, I thought this movie was captivating from the beginning by displaying a version of Chicago I could only dream of seeing. The script was very weak but the two lead meat sacks (boy & girl) did a fantastic job of doing what they could with a script that has about as much life left in it as the corpse in my trunk (If you want to see your daughter again have the money ready at the location). If I were to rank this movie i would give it 5 out of 10 hair dolls.





Next up, The Muppet's Most Wanted. I am very found of Muppet's because that is the name I give to all those around me who I don't want to kill. They could be bakers or 70's band members or gonzo's and I would never touch those disgusting back drops of human filth who have no light or purpose that I can't cut out of them.....sorry..... This story finds the delicious french meal, Kermit the frog at the center of a worldwide scandal as someone who looks exactly like him steals his identity and it's all up to the other oh d'oeuvres to help him out. I found myself reminiscing of the days in my adolescence when I would turn my victims into puppets and force the surviving members of the family to watch and critique the performances of their slain family. Oh to be young...speaking of young, the movie isn't really meant for just children so get off your duff mom and dad or legal guardian and capture a laugh. If I were to rank this  movie i would give it 8 out of 10 hair dolls.


Gotta keep moving and I will see you all very soon.
Oh, I almost forgot...Detective? you are slipping ;)

-SK

Comments

Popular Posts